he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
