I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
