she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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