I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
