you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
