is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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