All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
