i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
