either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
