I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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