If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
