Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
