Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
