that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
