I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
