I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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