Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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