I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
