you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
