I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
