wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I touched a dick in church today
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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