'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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