Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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