im about as happy as oj after his trial
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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