You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
