"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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