I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
