I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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