You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
