I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
