Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
