Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
