I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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