He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
