Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize