me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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