i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
