handjob tips. give me some.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
