why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
