took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
