i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
