Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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