btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
