btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
