You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
