how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
