The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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