So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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