I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
