I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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