I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
