He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.