At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk