So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
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woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.