ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.