i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible