he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My pussy is not your playground.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.