corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
