I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
