As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
