Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
