a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She announced her abortion via fbk
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
