I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
