see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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