Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
