He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
