When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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