Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
