Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
