That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
