Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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