Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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