I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
