this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
